once upon a time....

First, I don't iron. ever. If I buy something and it turns out it needs to be ironed, I get rid of it. However, we just got a shipment of costumes and one of them just wasn't going to straighten out on its own. I don't feel like its fair to ask Recovering From Cancer Husband to iron Burlesque Costume for me, so I did it. ....and it reminded me of one of my favorite stories (don't worry Chris, no crotches were harmed in this tale.)......

Years ago, my best friend from high school got married and I was a bridesmaid. She sent us this velvety fabric and we had to get dresses made within the paramerers she gave us. dude, that was hard. I didn't know any sewing type people so I had to just do the best I could with a friend of a friend of a friend. So anyway, John and I head to Houston with Dress. As I was in the shower an hour before the wedding, John asked if I would like him to iron it for me. Yes! and Thank you! We had gotten an ironing board and iron from the hotel. As I was showering, I hear from the other room "Oh Shit!" John was smart enough to know not to iron the velvety fabric directly and held the iron and inch or so over the fabric to kind of steam it. The velvety fabric sucked right up to the iron and stuck there. melted to it. It pulled off OK, but left a giant iron print in the middle of the dress, right in the crotchal region. It looked like I got kicked by a horse. hmm... How about we just turn it around? The dress was a simple style, that might work. Then the horse kick was right on my butt, where all of the congregation would look as I walked up the aisle. So we turned it back to the front and figured I would just have to hold my flowers really low. I looked kind of ridiculous walking up the aisle with the low flowers, but it was better than the horse kick. To add the frosting to this cupcake of a story, as I was standing up there and they were saying their vows, the elastic of my strap totally broke, meaning that I had to squeeze my armpit really tight to avoid the dress falling off completely. Thank goodness everyone looks at the bride during weddings because me walking down the aisle after the ceremony? not exactly a runway show.

The dress never even made it out of Houston. It was left as a velvety pile in the trash can.

The moral of the story? Always take pictures when these types of things happen. As horrifying as they are at the time, in a couple years they will be hilarious.