Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Time capsule

wow. I was rearranging some furniture and took out a drawer that apparently I put old stuff into and then forgot existed. I found two rolls of film (remember film?), the tape of songs from when Nic and I taught at Parks and Rec over 10 years ago. Also in that drawer was an old Bert and Ernie sing-a-long tape that I used to play in my car to keep me awake when travelling back and forth from teaching dance in college. Lastly, a recorded tape of me playing the piano that I made in high school. I am going to have to find a tape player.

Monday, December 29, 2008


3 years ago on our first trip to Cabo, after annihilating the others in the "Newlywed Contest," John and I discovered that we had ass kicking powers at the Mango Deck competitions. This is an example (note: pics are from different competitions throughout the week, hence the swimsuit and partner differences):

You run really fast into the water:

While in the water, you switch bikini bottoms:

Then, you come out and pose (photo! photo!):

If you don't make it before the time is up, or if the announcer feels like it, sometimes, one of you has to give the other one a lap dance (I might mention here that it is not always your mate with whom you are partnered...):

Then, you have to run back into the water to switch back to your rightful suits.

I would advise another to make sure you do not put your thong on sideways.

Last but not least, everybody gets free drinks.

Good times.... Good times.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

100 things

I made this list a couple months ago, copying Mrs. Snack, and never got around to blogging it.
1. I’m from a town of 600 people on the border between North Dakota and Montana.
2. There were 8 kids in my 8th grade class.
3. Back home, sometimes we ride our horses to town.
4. I have never eaten meatloaf.
5. I think it’s weird that my real name and my stage name have the same, similarly placed, consonants: Shannon Leigh Schlothauer and Strippy LongStocking.
6. I have giant fishtanks, with giant fish.
7. My first best friend and true love was my horse, Buck.
8. He died with his head in my lap when I was 13.
9. My best friend and true love now is John.
10. We met at work.
11. My life changed forever in the first 5 minutes we spoke.
12. One of my favorite things to do is to hang out in a small town country bar with a jukebox and sing along.
13. I was born without a natural graceful bone in my body. The dancing I can do, I can do because of years of practice and hard work.
14. I think that’s why I’m a good teacher.
15. I love my class at Vega.
16. I am the oldest of 3 and my brothers are 2 and 4 years younger than me.
17. I believe in karma.
18. and fate.
19. and ghosts.
20. I’ve known from a really young age that I didn’t want kids.
21. If that ever changed, I would adopt.
22. But I’d probably rather get a goat.
23. I had an eating disorder for about 5 years. My metabolism was messed up for about that long afterwards.
24. I hate when people assume that because I’m thin, it must be easy for me to be thin.
25. I love to go on road trips with John, one of my first favorite things about him was how much fun we had traveling together.
26. and that he lets me stop to meet horses on the side of the road when they are next to the fence.
27. Speaking of fences, they are my favorite photographic subject.
28. I mostly shop at second hand stores.
29. I have tons of clothes. They are all organized and gone through regularly to make sure I want everything in my closets. If I don’t, or if it doesn’t fit, I get rid of it.
30. Sometimes, I don’t know what to wear.
31. I like to tell people that red and black is my natural hair color. And the red is because my dad ate so many maraschino cherries.
32. I get my hair cut by John instead of going to a salon.
33. In my adult life, I have never lived in a place with a dishwasher.
34. In case you didn’t know, number 31 is a lie.
35. My fishtanks have flooded. Twice.
36. My favorite soda is Mountain Dew.
37. Our wedding was fantastic. I wish some of the friends we have now could have been there, but would never go back and change a thing.
38. One word you could never use to describe me is “lazy”
39. I have chewed my fingernails my whole life.
40. I typically don’t wear panties unless they are going to show.
41. I was an A student, with rare exception.
42. The only time I got detention is because I was late for band.
43. I played the bells.
44. I can also play piano, but I’m out of practice.
45. I wash my hair 2 or 3 times a week.
46. I think my favorite “real” job was being a museum guide at the dinosaur museum.
47. I made $5/hour and that was good.
48. I hated college. Both times.
49. I only went back because John and my mom made me.
50. It got a little better when I discovered the Supply and Logistics program.
51. My degree is in Supply and Logistics Management.
52. I have the best girlfriends ever.
53. I was born with the personality and characteristics of my father but was raised to be more like my mother.
54. I’m glad for both parts.
55. John proposed to me on a four-wheeler. The first thing I said was “are you serious?” We were on a ditch bank in North Dakota and the sun was setting on one side of the sky and the moon coming up on the other. Perfect.
56. Now its not like I did it every day or anything, but I’ve had 9 years of various types of “permanent” hair removal done on my face.
57. Something that’s weird is that when I talk to my sisters in law, some of the things they complain to me about my brothers are the same things John says about me.
58. I’m a horrible liar. In that I can’t do it.
59. The first song that ever made me cry was “The Unicorn Song”
60. If you get into my car, you will most likely see the cds of Meatloaf, SuperSuckers, or Bare Naked Ladies.
61. My car is a Hyundai Accent and I love it.
62. I’m an Aries.
63. I love to do cartwheels.
64. and somersaults.
65. I’ve been known to do both for comedic value in situations where they are not appropriate.
66. I could go for a turkey sandwich and a beer.
67. A lot of people when they meet John and me think that we are swingers or somehow a sexually promiscuous couple.
68. We’re not.
69. I didn’t drink until I was 20.
70. Ever since I saw a real life Mahi-Mahi, I will not eat Mahi-Mahi
71. I won’t eat lobster either because I had a pet freshwater lobster names Charlie.
72. I had a pet cow named Jenny too, but I will still eat hamburgers and steak.
73. oh, and jerky.
74. I wish I could do something more creative for a living.
75. When I was 10 or 11, I got my foot caught in the stirrup and was drug across a field. I lost all the skin from my neck to my butt and got banged up a little on the inside.
76. When you get drug by a horse, you don’t necessarily drag. Apparently I bounced.
77. The worst thing my body has ever experienced is Shingles.
78. The best thing my body has ever experienced was being 27.
79. I taught Vacation Bible School for 7 years.
80. I was third runner up at Ms. Dancer International.
81. I have very bad vision.
82. The worst place I’ve ever been is Oklahoma.
83. oh wait, number 83 is a secret. You’ll have to ask about that one.
84. I can’t sing, but I really wish I could.
85. I lived in a tent on Lake Sakakawea in NoDak for 6 weeks in the spring before the campground opened.
86. I have not had my wisdom teeth removed.
87. The dentist said my mouth is big enough to keep them.
88. Have I told you about that time I got my crotch cut in half?
89. I used to have a pet goose named Gus. He would meet me on the porch every morning and we would have breakfast together.
90. I do good with what I’ve got, but sometimes I wish my body was different.
91. When I was young, I wanted to be a truck driver when I grew up.
92. I was asked to join the World Cheerleading Council in high school.
93. I was also the yearbook editor.
94. Even though it’s a lot of work, I keep photo albums.
95. I don’t like gravy. Or donuts.
96. Its important to me to have something alive in every room of the house, so we have lots of plants.
97. The anniversary we celebrate is when we first got together, not when we got married.
98. That anniversary is Memorial Day, which we picked because it was easy to remember and there is always a three day weekend.
99. John and I have wedding rings and honeymoon rings
100. John is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Happy Holidays!

I'm not all into Christmas, but I do have a couple traditions. We always send Christmas cards. One tradition for me is every year, before I write the Christmas letter, I look back at the letters and pics from previous years. I'm not going to post all the letters, even though they're awesome, but you might get a kick out of all our past photos.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Regifted: A blog from years past

Twas the murder before Christmas....

I don't believe in chopping down trees for Christmas. I wear leather and eat hamburgers and steaks and chickens and feed small fishes to my big fishes, but I don't like the tradition of killing a tree for this "its pretty much all about consumption" holiday. I think in general there's too much frivolous spending that goes on this time of year, but it makes me sad that many people think of the tree as a consumable. They have to grow YEARS to be chopped down for one Christmas season. Driving past a Christmas tree lot breaks my heart. I see the poor trees, already killed, but not yet appearing as dead. Just shivering in the cold with their branches wrapped tight, wondering where their roots are. A family finds one and claims it to be perfection and brings it into their home, where they lovingly decorate it and ooh and ahh at it and sit in front of it reveling in its beauty and smell. .....until the very second that the presents are opened. all of a sudden, everyone notices the dropping needles and the same people that couldn't wait to decorate it, are now long gone or busy when the decorations need to come off. This thing of perfection is now a burden and generally, it can't get out of the house fast enough. Sometimes it barely makes it out, it sits on the porch until spring. If you must have a live tree, please respect that life that was taken for you to put your presents under it for the entirety of the time you have it and please recycle it.

or................ how about getting a small potted evergreen and decorating that? after Christmas its easy to undecorate and then you can plant it outside... if you have kids and make them a part of this, and talk about trees and life and preservation. They'll probably remember that experience long after their Christmas toy is broken. If you do that every year, you will have a history of your Christmases to see year after year.

PS: If John and I decorate, we decorate a house plant.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Thank you, cross-eyed auto mechanic.

It's a dreaded time... Time to go to DEQ. The trip out to somewhere far, no matter where you live, the lines, the seemingly stupid task that must be done in order for one to drive legally. Now I left this morning to accomplish this task and even gave the Hyundai a new tank of gas for the trip. No worries about passing DEQ (which can add to the dread above if worrying is involved).. I got there and talked with Evie on the phone and had a sandwich while I waited. Finally, my turn. "um, ma'am, everything passed but the visible smoke test, so the result is fail" WTF?! FAIL!? Dude, my car is FINE! so i had no choice but to stare at the highlighted FAIL on the paper and drive away, confused and annoyed. Figuring some kind of injustice was done, but knowing I was unable to beat "the man", I drove home and on the way, looked for an auto mechanic place that gave me warm-fuzzies (I get my oil changed at Firestone, but they can kiss my ass, they'd try to replace my whole engine if I'd let them). I had to get groceries and next to Fred Meyer was a tucked away place and on the way to FM I thought about stopping... hmmm.. after groceries I did stop. I went in and a young guy and an older cross-eyed guy were chatting.. They asked me what I needed and I cussed and showed them my FAIL papers and told them that none of the "suggested fixes" were wrong with my car, but would they look at it? "Um Bob, come out here and look at her car." Bob came out and all four of us went out to my car. I started it and revved it and they said it was fine, and that the reason there was "visible smoke" was because it was cold outside and that "visible smoke" is called condensation. Not only that, but they could make this brand new car parked next to mine do the same thing!!! and they did! Then they asked me which DEQ I went to and I told them. "Those guys are assholes, go to the one on Powell." um, OK, totally worth a shot. So I drove there, the lines were shorter and what do you know, I totally passed. I would not have thought to do that myself (although it seems obvious in retrospect) and I am super grateful that these guys, who, in rough economic times, in an industry that has been known to be less than honest (especially to chicks), were so good to me. Tomorrow morning, I am going to go back and take them some donuts.

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

We won the lottery!

well, kind of.....

First, this morning I stepped outside and first thing I saw was a lucky penny on the ground. Later in the day, John said there was a $200k unclaimed lottery ticket out there and I better go check mine. We won $3!! It was a good day to be lucky...

Monday, December 8, 2008

so i probably shouldn't have worn my party hat....

Last week I had to go to "unemployment orientation." I got the letter and I'm all DUDE, SWEET! Unemployment orientation, I assumed, would cover fabulous topics such as "What shows to watch after regular people's bedtime", "Places that give free pedicures every Tuesday from 8-10 am" "Secrets sales that only happen when the rest of the world is at work" (actually I already knew about that, I planned to talk about my $2.99 shoes) "Things you always wanted to do but don't because you don't have enough time" and "Sweatpants: the new Business casual." Also, I figured there would be a grab bag of unemployment essentials such as restaurant coupons, 6 months free Comcast, a TV guide, a gym membership and maybe bon bons. I also figured there'd a snack table and maybe an open bar since, you know, none of us had to go back to work afterwards.

boy, was I wrong.

Friday, December 5, 2008

I'm almost ashamed...

The air on one of my front tires was low the other day and I was going to fill it up on my way to dance. but when I left for dance, it was dark and cold and rainy and I didn't want to have to kneel on the wet ground in the dark at a gas station. Instead I drove up to Les Schwab and got out of my car and said to the Les Schwab guy "Do you think my tire needs some air in it? I can't tell.."

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Haters need not reply

PS: that necklace she's wearing would totally fit in my christmas stocking.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Keeping it simple....

So here's the thing... I started going through pictures and realized that when there are a million tiny things that happened and all of them were blog-worthy, that there is no way that I am going to be happy with my re-telling of the stories. I guess you had to be there. However, that does not mean that I can't find a way to share some highlights!! For those highlights, I am going to choose Saturday, Nic's birthday. We all got pedicures:

and to follow up the girlie action, we rode go-carts! (It will be important to John to note that he came in first, even though he totally rammed into this poor unknowing kid because he didn't know where the brake was...)

After go carts, time for a drink. or two. and some Goldschlager. During our outing we discovered that John can carry Shannon...

and Nic can carry Kimberly....

but Shannon cannot carry Nic....

After our adventure in town, it was back to the condo where John made dinner and Kim and I made brownies....

I don't think that we actually stopped laughing for the entire weekend.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my friends. and for whoever invented Pictionary. and Goldschlager.

Thanksgiving adventure weekend, part one.

First step, Thanksgiving dinner at the Titus's. We are in charge of water!

Pre dinner included wine and watching the munchkin play with toys... Here is some unintentional porn.... you can tell those legos are up to no good..

Fast forward to the future when John and Nic become old grandmas....

After a lovely dinner, we hit the road to head to Redmond. We travel pants-free.

At this point on this day, the pictures stopped, but by no means the fun... We got to the condo and decided a nightcap was in order. Damn you, gin! Then we busted out our new Catch Phrase game and started what turned into a long night of nonstop laughter and jokes that lasted all weekend long... All one would have to do to turn all 4 of us into a giant giggle ball would be to mention one of the following words: WalMart, Smart Park, or wreath. It was a good start.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

So much to be thankful for....

its probably going to take all week to blog the Thanksgiving weekend.... stay tuned.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!!!

well, for the Christmas Cactus anyway. I love how its virtually unnoticable for most of the year and then BAM! it explodes into giant pinkness, impossible to miss.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Aquarium setting... what?!

For any of you who bought your camera and saw this setting and thought "who the hell needs an aquarium setting?" ME! Hi Zu!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fresh hair

hmm, i don't know if those words really go together... new hair? no, its the same hair as always.. new style? no, i never have a new style... hmm, i give up, nothing sounds cool or interesting, but i re-dyed my hair!! I love for the first two seconds that I take it out of a braid and its curly:
hmmm... how to get a good picture of it....
does this work?
WHOA! not like that!
are you there, hair?
there. now back to not washing it.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


I taped our routine last night!! I'm so proud of everyone!! Yay for Tease and Tone at Vega!!

Shopping math

I totally believe that there is worth in having something that your friends covet. I'm talking about clothes mostly, not as cool when its vehicles or houses or husbands or babies.. that gets kind of creepy. Anyway, it's fun to give them stuff that they like or joke about taking something when they aren't looking (like Amy's fringe dress....). When I was out and about last week, I found my way to a shoe sale and stumbled upon a pair of boots and thought "OMG, Evie would love these!" Truthfully, my first instinct was to buy them for her. But they only had one pair, my size, and so my plan changed from buying them for her to buying them for me and knowing she'd totally be jealous of them. I figure its worth about $5 to me to make her jealous, which means the boots really only cost me $7.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

how do you say that?

Last night Julie was asking about the Schlothauer sibling situation and I mentioned that I had two little brothers. these are them.  Some Schlothauer trivia? we tend to like to take our shirts off. Our friend Brady called this pic "Classic Schlothauer"

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Choco Cake: The review.

In a last minute effort to get horseradish tonite, we popped in to the local Asian grocery store. We did not find horseradish, but we did find ohyes choco cake!
Lets zoom in on that, shall we?
hmm, enjoy your happy times... how can we lose?!?! well, one of the ingredients was crab, so that did raise some concern... however, crab is good so we decided to proceed.
inside the box... individually wrapped and looks totally different than the outside box!! The wrapping make me wish I had some whip cream.
on the flip side it read:
"Chocolate Coating Cake
You know that sweet things make smile.
We love to see you smile with your people.
So just taste this cake."
well then, we must! here it is!

What did we think?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Burlesque Cupcakes....

They look like boobies... tee hee :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Stay strong, Alex P. Keaton...

As I'm sure many gals my age do, I love me some Michael J. Fox. His posters and Teen Magazine pictures always had a place in my room. It broke my heart when I saw him with Parkinsons. I had an instructor in college who had Parkinsons and so I got to see him on good days and bad. The man was brilliant and the bad days broke your heart and even sometimes the good days did. I've seen interviews of MJF that are good and bad too and its just heartbreaking. This isn't very interesting conversation in any way, but it did make me draw a finger heart when he walked on stage.

PS: Please disregard stupid Rachel Ray, who we hate. (and PS: We have that right, J and I were on her show and therefore, were subject to her personality one night. that's right bitches! next time you are flipping the channels and see her show on Portland, we're there in the Blue Monk!!!)

Dammit Scotty

In going through a job application today (for those of you that did not pick up the subtle hint a few weeks ago, I got laid off) I had to rummage through an old file to get an address and ran across a packet of stuff I'd kept from a previous job. Back a long time ago, before I knew most of the people I know now, I worked at this fabulous little company called Bar Code Supply. I loved it there and it loved me back and if things could have been a little different, I'd still be there. (I won't go into the long boring story of it being sold and my battle with the new owner, but that's how it went down). Anyway, one of the earlier jobs I had there was as Systems Coordinator, which basically meant I handled all of the salespeople's sales and was the person that kept the sales software up to date and clean and was also the go-between for accounting and sales. I fell into this position by doing what was needed and when we decided to make it an official position, my suggestion to my manager was to call it the "tape" since i held everything together. hee hee. but I digress... There was this guy, Scotty. He could sell anything to anyone but was notoriously bad at doing his paperwork correctly, no matter how many times I helped him. Now me and Scotty had a long love/hate relationship with many ups and downs (and no, there was no funny business, this is just a boring work story) but I think that one of the reasons he never learned to do it right was because he loved fucking with me and seeing me come stomping down to his office with yet another question. He also loved to tell people that his "assistant" would be calling them back, knowing how much it infuriated me. I finally decided that I would stop going down there to feed into his amusement with pissing me off and just started to put the things he did wrong back into his inbox. So that he would know there was something that he needed to fix, I made this stamp:

He hated that stamp so much that he and I actually got a system down that worked for both of us. For a while it was him buying me a bottle of vodka every Friday. I learned a lot from that fucker. I keep the stamp to remind me.