Thursday, June 3, 2010


(Note: I wrote that in my best Monte Python voice as an homage to JJ's family and their often running commentary...)

Here's the thing: Because we love to travel to small towns in rural places, and have long since quit camping, sometimes we end up staying in crappy hotels. My love of the traveling we do does not remove my OCD tendencies so I travel with an emergency suitcase. In that suitcase is 2 flat sheets and pillow cases (always clean, cuz I wash them after every use), a towel, an atlas, instant coffee, 2 granola bars, two whiskey glasses, and the Phase 10 dice game. (awesome, I know. Maybe someday I'll share the contents of my travel toiletry tool box) The most often used items are the sheet and pillow cases. ...and that brings us to this weekend. We were going to be in the woods outside of Unity and we had passed through there once and had lunch at a great little bar and we were anxious to stay! JJ's mom grabbed the hotel number last weekend when they passed through (it's not exactly on the interwebs) so I called and made us a reservation. When I called, the phone was answered "Unity general store and motel" and then she asked if she could call me back because there were people in the store. dude, this was going to be awesome, I had high hopes. We didn't even have a second thought as we drove through town on the way to the woods.
After a long day in the woods, and enough beers to not drive further than we needed to, we arrived back in Unity to check into the hotel. The rules were posted outside.
While in the general store, John checked in while I smelled the homeade scented candles. John said "you want one?" he joked "we can light it if the rooms smells bad" (dear readers, this is what we call foreshadowing in storytelling. and jinxing yourself in real life.) We went over to our room and opened the door. A smell so strong lived inside there that it almost hurt to enter. John ran back to the office and caught the lady just as she was closing the store (7 pm) and said "Can we have a different room, ours smells like cat pee" "It's not cat pee, we had a flood and the only other room doesn't have a working toilet." John comes back and says "I guess we'll have to use that candle..." Unequipped with appropriate camping equipment and unable to get anywhere else in a decent amount of time, we had to stay. We opened the window and lit the candle and hoped for the best while we left for the bar. Before we go, let me give you a little tour. While we do this, imagine that you are wearing a mask made of cat pee.
OK, I kind of wished I would have stolen the keychain. This microwave is older than the first one my family got as a kid. Check out the retro auto-settings. Also note, I wouldn't have opened that for all the tea in China.
Fancy, colored towels.
John's favorite feature: the thumb tack curtain rod.
John showing off the decor (do you still have your pee mask on? cuz it still smells horrible.)
My favorite feature: the sink.
After we'd opened the window as far as possible and put our sheets on the bed, and lit the scented candle, we hoped for the best and went to the bar. I love towns where you can take your picture in the middle of the street.
We'd been to the bar before :)
After hopefully enough whiskey to knock us out through the smell, we headed to the hotel. The open windows and scented candle? ...didn't work at all. It was a pretty sleepless night. I actually debated going to sleep in the trunk of the car. The next day after a couple hours in the woods, we headed back to Pendleton, where I took a very hot, very long shower and even shaved my legs to finally feel clean again. I'm sure we'll go back to the town, but only en route to somewhere else that we're sleeping.


Jen Hecht said...

Hilarious! I love the photos of the room. Can you give me the number for that place?

emulls said...

I love it. Thank you for taking me on that journey with you. Can I take off my cat pee mask now please?

EvieG said...

It looks like a murder place.